Posted in Give me a little Kissel Comedy on September 14, 2009 by bkissel

The man above is a cheat and I his victim. Buffalo Cantina is a fine Mexican restaurant in Williamsburg Brooklyn and they had a challenge where a person had to eat 6 Seppuku wings in three minutes. I heard about this challenge and thought it might be a fun undertaking so my friend Tim Dean, myself, and a few others went to the restaurant and inquired about the challenge. When we arrived we were told the challenge had been changed from 6 wings to 12 because too many people were able to eat the 6. The owner, Wayne, wanted to make the challenge virtually impossible, but I was drunk on Tecate’s and Tim was pushing so we both decided to do it. It was the hottest fucking thing I have ever tasted, like the sun’s vagina, but I switched something in my brain and I was like Sly Stallone in Over the Top. I went crazy for two minutes of intense wing action and ate all 12, un-fucking-believable. Tim was able to eat 5 which was a noble feat in itself. So now Tim and I are dying, my face puffed up like a special ed kid who found a gallon of ice cream. My cheeks were red and round, my eyes were watering, my nose was runny, and my skin had a layer of swampy mucous on top of it like an aroused hermaphrodite’s pussy. Long story short, for seventeen hours I experienced the most intense pain in my life. I felt like I was birthing a small Mexican man out of my anus. It was hell.
Flash forward two weeks when I walk into Buffalo Cantina to make sure my picture stands alone on the great wall of dumbfuckery and to my shock Adam Richman is there filming Man vs. Food. There was a lot of hubbub as he was speaking with this fellow at one of the tables. I thought he was talking to someone who took the wing challenge and was about to be super-pissed, but then some Yankees fans told me it was Joba Chamberlin and I immediately said “He’s not a champion, I’m the champion!” They didn’t like that and looked at me like I just blew their father and outed him in front of the Mickey Mantle or something.
I finally got to speak with Wayne the owner and he told me a piece of information that blew shit through my jeans and down the block. Adam Richman and Man vs. Food made Buffalo Cantina change the challenge from 6 wings to 12 wings so when Adam showed up no one would have done it. I imagine they wanted to make him look like some super human freak as opposed to the theater nerd that he is. But then I found out Adam changed his mind and will only be doing the 6-wing challenge. And not the Seppuku challenge but the far weaker Suicide wing challenge. Basically, Adam Richman has so little concern over putting on a good show he will not even take the challenge his show made me do! Man vs. Food is a fraud and Adam Richman is a douche and, oh yeah, I tried to shake his hand and a girl said he doesn’t like to be touched. What a complete fuck.
Listen to the podcast related to this story! http://www.brainandthebeast.com/episodes/2009/8/31/episode-25-hot-wing-challenge.html